Current mood:

angry

Hey! We have an extra 30 seconds! Let's have sex!
Conflicts Forgotten

Summary: Hermione is determined to make her last year the best of her life... But why does the Head Boy seem determined to thwart that? (DM&HG)
A note to readers: the author of this particular story has decided to remove it from the WWW. Sadly, you no longer have a stroy to compare our comments to. But you may still enjoy the comments.

Princess Joy: When I read the summary, I thought Hermione was dying. Sadly, she is not. Her "last year" is really her last year at Hogwarts. Also, refer back to our first entry for the Icon Key!

We give this a:


**Regrettably, this story has since been taken offline. However, our review has quite of a bit of the story quoted, so please continue reading and enjoy!**




Chapter 1: Default Chapter

It was their last year at Hogwarts and Hermione for once, hadn't been working all summer. She tossed her hair over her shoulders as she walked towards the barrier that would bring he to Platform 9 ¾ . She knew she looked different, good for once. She'd finally found a spell that she only had to cast once a week which stopped her hair frizzing and allowed it to drop down her back in long, loose, brown curls. She'd finally discovered make-up, even though she really didn't need to use it but with eyeliner, her chocolate brown eyes looked bigger and more almond-shaped than ever. She'd started going to dance classes and the gym, swimming in the pool at home. The result of this was that she'd lost a little weight but toned up immensely, making her curvy. She smiled as she thought of her holiday in Spain, where she'd gotten her tan.

Princess Victoria: Ok, I know that was a huge quote, BUT I had to post it. Let's start with all the OOC things Hermione has done... Not worked over the summer, fixed her hair, make-up, dance classes, gym, and swiming in the pool at home. The result was a loss of the weight she had, got a tan.
Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with her excercising, etc. BUT who says she hasn't done that before 7th year? The way the author described her made her sound like some pastey, mousey fat girl who deserved to have a paper bag over her head only it wouldn't fit around her frizzy hair. Now, maybe I take this personally, because my hair is naturally frizzy, but, Hermione has already said, in Goblet of Fire, that she won't calm her hair down because it takes too long. So, maybe the author and all the other authors that want to fix her hair should realize that that's the way she wants to keep it.

"Hey guys!" she said as she spotted Ron and Harry. They looked much the same, both of them muscled from playing Quidditch for so many years. Harry's hair was scruffier but it suited him and Ron's hair was longer, hiding one eye from her view and making her heart race. They both looked at her in shock as they saw a beautiful girl with long brown hair and brown eyes walk towards them, in a pink tank top and a denim mini-skirt, showing off long brown legs and finally some pink high-heeled stilettos.

Princess Joy: Let me introduce you to Barbie!Hermione, and her best friends Ken!Harry and Ken!Ron.


"You don't have to protect me guys, I'm sure no-one will notice." she said as she gave her trunk to the porter, climbing onto the train. Harry and Ron looked at each other and nodded.

Princess Victoria: Yeah, I'm sure no one will notice that you look completely different.

She didn't know who the Head Boy was but as it wasn't Ron or Harry, she'd have to assume it was someone in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.

Princess Joy: Right, because a Slytherin would never be Head Boy. *cough*Tom Riddle*cough*

Princess Joy: We also get introduced to Ken!Draco. He insults Hermione but thinks she's hot... Right. No. If you HATE someone, you will think they are ugly no matter what, ALWAYS.

Princess Victoria: So then, she's sexually assulted by Draco... he kissed her. You know it's Draco because right before, the author wrote "Grinning, he followed her and waited until she came out of the toilet." Way to give it away! *thumbs up*

She'd lost Crookshanks over the summer, he simply hadn't come home. Not dwelling on it too much, she picked up her handbag and looked at her trunk.

Princess Joy: Nice. That's nice.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 1

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 0

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 0

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 1


Chapter 2: Breakfast and Potions

It was decorated in her favourite colours, purple and silver, the house colours only showing with the huge Gryffindor banner draped above her vanity table.

Princess Victoria: Why is her favorite colour ALWAYS purple.

She took the door to the right and saw a small gym. Hermione smiled, Dumbledore must have guessed that she liked dancing and working out.

Princess Victoria: It's good to see that someone noticed... 'Cause no one else knew.

She knocked on Draco's door and waited for him to answer. He did and she walked in, noticing how his favourite colours must be silver and green as his bedroom was that colour.

Princess Joy: I thought she couldn't enter his room unless he trusted her. Wow, they must move fast then.

"Huge! The house colours are just nowhere to be seen, and my room is decorated all in purple, my favourite colour!" she said as Ginny laughed.

Princess Victoria: She doesn't sound like she likes being a Gryffindor... "Yes! No house colours! Woot!"

"Come on, let's just try this stuff." he said as he poured it into two beakers. "Sir, ours is ready. Who do you want to take it first?" he asked as Snape shrugged. "You first then Hermione." he said as she swallowed the potion, feeling rather light-headed.

Princess Joy: Um, Snape never shrugs. And they never test the potions themselves. But, hey, it advances the plot, so let's throw common sense out the window.

"Are you a mudblood?" he asked next, knowing the answer would be a yes. Which is why he was surprised by her answer.

"No I'm not. I was adopted by my mother and father, I was told by them that both my parents were wizards but they wanted to hide me before they died at the hands of Lord Voldemort." she said as Draco's eyes widened.

Princess Victoria: Oooo, a mysterious birth... How suey! And off to live with a muggle family? That's like Harry?! Woah! *sarcasm*

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 1

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 5

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 0

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 3



Chapter 3: Family Relations

Princess Victoria: I love Whore!Ron

"Not really." he said and she smiled slightly as he rolled his eyes and got back to work. Hermione stood up at the end of class and went to leave. Ron looked at her in her in her black t-shirt which fit snugly and showed off her toned stomach. She was wearing some low-slung tight fitting jeans and some high-heeled pointed toe stiletto shoes but she walked straight past him.

Princess Joy: 50 points from Gryffindor for Miss Granger not wearing her robes...

"But I would rather have Malfoy kiss me than HIM!" she said, slapping Ron.

Princess Joy: Didn't see that one coming at all. Nope, it wasn't written clearly all over the story at all.

Hermione had changed into a strappy top and hotpants but with her huge white robe on over the top. Malfoy was just wearing some boxers, but he was covered up by his robe.

Princess Joy: I think "robe" means bathrobe.

Princess Victoria: I like how Hermione is getting used to her uniform at her future job at Hooters.

"Nope, I was the daughter of Sirius, who was estranged from the family before I met. He met some witch and had an illegitimate child. She gave me to him at birth, fearful for her safety and he gave me to an adoption agency, knowing how much trouble I'd be in."

Princess Victoria: *sporks eyes*

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 3

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 6

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 3

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 6



Chapter 4: No Mudblood

She worried what would happen when Harry and Ron found out until she realised that she didn't much care about what they thought.

Princess Joy: I can see how much she loves her BEST FRIENDS.

"Told you you'd trust me." he said as she walked over to her wardrobe with her towel wrapped around her, picking out some clothes. Pulling on the white denim skirt and aqua t-shirt with a slash down the front, she pulled out some black knee-length boots, closing her robes over them. Draco looked at her and grinned as she put some black eyeshadow on and some aqua earrings.

Princess Joy: Prostitute!Hermione at your service!

He kissed her lightly and walked back through to his bedroom, dressing immediately in a pair of black jeans and a dark grey shirt. Hermione met him in the common room and after approving his outfit but telling him that she liked him better in a towel (A/N: As we would ALL like!) they set off down to breakfast.

Princess Victoria: So after 2 days, they are making out. And the author's note just shows that this is really a fantsay fic, and nothing more.

Princess Victoria: Do they ever go to class?

They reached the fourth floor and went along to the Unicorn Maiden, asking if she could tell Hermione they were in. The picture turned around so that she could look inside and suddenly she swung open, letting Harry, Ron and Ginny in.

Princess Joy: That would never happen in the REAL Hogwarts, but in fanfic land, everything that is canon will be no more! *rolls eyes*


Ginny had picked up Hogwarts: A History and was reading it peacefully whilst Harry sat on the edge of the chair and Ron stood, his face red with anger.

Princess Victoria: What a Luna moment, Ginny!

"No, we're not cousins technically as Sirius was estranged so he technically had no place in the Black family, so no connection to the Malfoys." she said as Harry looked relieved.

Princess Victoria: Um, no. Just because he's estranged does't mean he's genetically different! Malfoy is still related to you. Dink.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 4

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 10

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 8

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 7



Chapter 5: Possessions

Princess Joy: Yay! Drunk!Ron.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" yelled Ron as he went for Malfoy, missing him as he went for one of the three Malfoys he could see and missing Draco by a metre. Draco smirked as Hermione shouted back

"OI! That's my estranged aunt!" shrieked Hermione, forgetting for a second or two who she was.

Princess Victoria: Wha?

Princess Joy: A lovers spat, and then they almost become lovers...*twirls fingers*

"I'm so happy..." she thought suddenly, surprising herself with that thought. Hermione Granger had never been happy, too busy working to find a boyfriend and her only real friends being Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny. Now, she was sitting on Draco Malfoy's lap with their tongues caressing each others.

Princess Joy: Right, because changing your last name from Granger to Black can make you a whole new person. And I hope she realizes she is still kissing her cousin.



Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 5

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 10

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 10

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 12



Chapter 6: Serpent or Lioness?

Princess Victoria: After some OOC!Hermioneness regarding getting up and getting ready for school...
the following happens,

She was wearing a black miniskirt, silver strappy top and long black boots, up to her knee. She twirled in front of him and Draco gasped as he saw that she'd charmed her eyes to twinkle silver like his.

Princess Joy: Slut!Hermione as well as super-duper Mary-Sue with the changing colour eyes! Yay!

"I saved you though Hermione, so no problems. If there's any at breakfast, just call me over." he said as Hermione grinned. "You could always switch to Slytherin, especially since you're a Black now." he said, nuzzling her neck as he held onto her. She looked up at him, small smile on her face.

Princess Victoria: Um, the hat put her in Gryffindor for a reason...

"I need time to figure out what the hell is going on, okay baby?"

Princess Joy: Baby? Oh geez...

She wrenched her arm away from him and her robes fell open slightly, all of the Slytherins seeing what she was wearing and looking at Malfoy, surprised.

Princess Joy: *gasp!* She does wear robes!


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 7

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 14

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 15

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 16


Chapter 7: Dumbledore

"So... Malfoy and Parkinson... They're all evil?" she asked, confused as to what the Headmaster was telling her in cryptic clues.

Princess Joy: I wanted to slap myself for reading that.


"He doesn't want to let the Hermione he knew out so she can become this new, sparkly Hermione." he said finally after a long while.

Princess Victoria: Sparkly?

"Oh and you're wearing your Slytherin Princess outfit, how fitting." he said with a grin as he hugged her.

Princess Joy wants to spork Draco many times for that stupid comment.


"Yes. Dumbledore told me earlier to look after you for the next three days and not let you out of my sight so there's the reason." he snapped as Hermione grinned.

Princess Victoria: What happens on day 4?


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 7

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 14

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 34

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 21


Chapter 8: Acting Before Thinking

Princess Victoria: They sleep together, Ron acts like a prat.

"Ginny Weasley had changed a lot in the years she'd been at Hogwarts... Now a sixth year student, she was tall and slim, with long legs. Her pale skin suited her red hair perfectly, the hair which fell down her back in loose waves, not needing any assistance by potions or muggle methods. She had bright blue eyes, which sparkled when she was happy and she was very pretty, in an unobvious way. She sat down on the couch, smiling up at Hermione.

Princess Victoria:A Ginny!Sue. Yay!

Hermione smiled back and flicking her wand, changed into a pair of loose-fitting trousers and a t-shirt, not bothering with a posh outfit.

Princess Joy: Well that's a first, I think!

Princess Victoria: She just can't leave her hair alone!

"Blaise, not bloody here." she snapped, pulling her leg away from him.
"Fine, but I'll have you Hermione, trust me I will." he said as Hermione glared.

Princess Joy: Why is it that every story with Hermione and Blaise, Blaise is possessive of her, even before he 'has' her?

Princess Joy: They sleep together...whoa!


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 8

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 14

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 42

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 24



Chapter 9: Unpleasant Morning

Princess Joy: I don't like Ron in this story. He seems too stalkerish for me.

"I guess it's 'cos I love him..." she said, surprising Albus and Draco.

Princess Joy rolls her eyes.

Princess Joy: And after a near rape, she is suddenly super excited to be kissing the Draco Malfoy.

Princess Victoria: People really like sneering....

"I thought we were being scandalous Draco." she said with a wink as Draco grinned at her. Leaning back, he let Hermione climb onto his lap and kiss him, kissing her back and running his fingers through her long, silky tresses.

Princess Joy: Right, because at Hogwarts, that is the norm.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 9

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 15

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 42

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 27


Chapter 10: Back on Track

Princess Victoria: Ooooo, a ball, I wonder what Hermione is going to dress like? Are tall black boots involved? Probably!

Princess Joy: What the hell kind of ball is planned they way they planned theirs?

"I already spoke to Dumbledore about that. He thinks Ron has learnt his lesson and for one day a week he'll keep the charm off, starting today." he said as Hermione gasped with happiness.

Princess Joy: How convient...

Princess Victoria: So, Hermione is slacking off at school...

"Yes. She trusts you too but she didn't want you to know, wants to surprise you." he said as Draco nodded.

Princess Joy: But of course. How else would the plot move along if she didn't trust Blaise?

He picked her up and prising the quill out of her hand, he took her into his bedroom, kissing her on the head. He pulled back the covers and pulling off her top, trousers, shoes, bra and thong.

Princess Victoria: Because she has to sleep in the nude, right?


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 11

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 18

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 44

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 30


Chapter 11: Hogsmede

Princess Joy: Wake up! You're late! But not too late to have sex...again

Princess Victoria: If I see the "hair dying spell" one more time, I'll...

Princess Victoria: It's intresting to see how she is sooooo close with Blaise and Draco and is not friends with Harry, Ginny or Ron anymore.

Princess Victoria: Bitch-fight! How melodramatic!

Princess Joy: Why is it she acts like this towards the death of her father after she finds out he was her father. She wouldn't have acted like that if she never found out.

Princess Victoria: More OOCness insues! Drunk!Hermione!

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 12

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 20

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 46

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 34



Chapter 12: Breakfast

"You can go get your money from Gringott's and we can have some time away from Saint Potter and the Weasel."

Princess Victoria: Not like you were with them anyways...

Princess Joy: More sex...you'd think she be knocked up by now.

Princess Victoria: I want some Hogwarts House undies like Hermione has...

"there was no time for foreplay"

Princess Victoria: I don't know about you, but there never seems to be any in this story.

Princess Joy: Mya, that's a new nickname!

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 12

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 21

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 56

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 35


Chapter 13: Welcome to the Family

They approached a huge house set in lush gardens, bright green grass punctuated by flowers, mainly red roses, which seemed to jump out and make the garden look wilder, more normal.

Princess Joy: So the gardens look wilder and more normal...huh?

Princess Joy: Is her tongue permanently sticking out of her mouth?

"I'm here to check out the dark stuff, remove it etcetera." Tonks said, proudly.

Princess Victoria: Stuff? etcetera? Woah, don't take your job too seriously.

"I'm here in case anything nasty happens, DADA could be needed and also it's pretty useful to have a werewolf on your side." he said with a rueful smile as Hermione smiled.

Princess Victoria:'Cause you know, at the drop of a hat Lupin can turn into a werewolf, if duty calls...

""I'm here for charm work, make it look a bit nicer." said a woman, smiling at her. She had long strawberry blonde hair and vividly green eyes "They remind me of Harry's..." thought Hermione, smiling back at the woman. "My name is Naomi Scelera." she said as Hermione nodded.

Princess Joy: Methinks that's foreshadowing...

"To the attic then." she said happily, bounding up the stairs in front of them. It was an imposing staircase (think Gone with the Wind) and it had red carpeting on the dark wooden boards.

Princess Victoria: I am thinking, and all I can come up with is "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Princess Victoria: Do they ever stop flirting?

Princess Joy: And of course she just had to go into the Pensive...

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 12

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 21

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 59

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 37


Chapter 14: Pensieves

Princess Victoria: The whole Pensive thing was messed up. Wanna know why? Because Dumbledore DID NOT know before James and Lily died that Sirius was NOT the secret keeper. If he did know, Sirius wouldn't have gone to Azkaban! Do people not read? Seriously.

"There's Death Eaters coming, one of them being your second aunt who killed your father and you're kissing Draco Malfoy in a bloody closet." she thought as she pulled away from Draco.

Princess Joy: Just because you're in a closet alone with your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to make out with him.

Princess Joy: Oooo Lucius is back, duh duh DUH!

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 12

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 23

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 63

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 41


Chapter 15: Blood Runs Deep

"Now will you please shut up, we have to wait for the Dark Lord to get here."

Princess Joy: Hmmm, I think there's more trouble on the way.

Princess Joy: I was wondering when the author was going to actually use one of the Unforgivables.

Princess Victoria: Oh no! Indirect Imperius, sounds horrible! It's going to be a challenge.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 12

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 23

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 70

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 44


Chapter 16: Presents

"I'll KILL my father." he said through gritted teeth as Hermione held his hand and looked at him with her large, amber eyes.
"Draco, ignore him. He's a rotten bastard." she said, surprising Draco with her choice of words.
"I can't, Hermione, he HURT you!" he cried out as she shook her head.

Princess Victoria: So, nevermind all the other stuff Lucius has ever done, that can still earn love from Draco, but because he used Crucio on "Mya" Draco is going to kill him. I see...

"Fine, it's a two-way mirror. Harry had one with Sirius, it was Sirius's." she said, "I want to buy a new one, give that to Harry and have Sirius's." she said as Draco nodded.

"I have a pair of them if you want them." he said as she looked at him sceptically.

"Aren't they supposed to be really rare?"

"Malfoy." he said, smirking as Hermione sighed in irritation and lay back on the bed.

Princess Joy: So of course Draco has to have a pair. Duh, we were told they're rare.

"Scar?"

"Yeah, it's been playing up since Hermione got back." he explained to the two boys, Draco staring at him triumphantly.

"I wonder if that thing can indicate when Hermione's under Imperius or not?"

Princess Victoria: I wonder if this could possibly be more foreshadowing?

...he had a sulking Ron to ditch on somebody...

Princess Joy: I can definately see the close friendship here.

Princess Joy: Earlier in the chapter we find out that even with the slightest squeeze of her hand, she winces in terrible pain. But at the end of the chapter, approximately an hour later, Hermione and Draco are having a pillow fight and rolling around on the bed. Interesting...


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 13

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 23

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 71

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 51



Chapter 17: Removing the Curse

Again, she could hear the drumming in her head, the warning sign she had come to expect.

Princess Joy: After being under the curse once, she automatically knows the signs that it's coming again. Sure, alright.

"Now. There's my lab over in the corner, you can do it of course."

Princess Joy: Oooo, a new addition to Dumbledore's office!

Princess Victoria: So, I guess the curse wasn't so hard to remove afterall...

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 13

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 24

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 71

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 51



Chapter 18: Back to Normal

"I think you'd be the first to ever render Severus Snape speechless." he said as Hermione nodded.

Princess Joy: Well, she is Hermione-Sue...

"I also don't want you in the Gryffindor tower unless you need to be." he said as Hermione nodded quickly.

Princess Victoria: When is she ever in Gryffindor Tower?

Princess Victoria: The whole big, flat screen TV thing is garbage. Just accept the fact that muggle things don't work there. It's not like they ever do anything together but flirt and have sex anyways.

Princess Joy: Oh goody, more sex!

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 14

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 26

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 73

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 54


Chapter 19: Happy Christmas

In case you didn't bloody realise Mya, it's Christmas Day." he said as Hermione grinned and shot out of bed...

Princess Joy: Wasn't it Halloween just last week?

Princess Victoria: Ron still likes Hermione, duh. I wonder if anyone else loves her? I think so!

"I'll make you some. I'll be two minutes." she promised as she ran back into her room, bringing some chocolate back and a bowl. Performing a magical charm, chocolate mousse appeared in the bowl as Harry grinned.

Princess Joy: I wish I could cook like that.

Princess Victoria: I have no idea where Hermione got the idea that she had to have had a twin...

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 16

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 27

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 74

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 58


Chapter 20: More Revelations

Draco's father was very skilled at Leglimens and Draco often had to block his mind to stop his father's probing, these were just more memories he'd have to block, which angered him as it was hard work.

Princess Joy: I smell more foreshadowing.

Princess Victoria: Blaise starts acting like a protective brother, which is weird because he use to hit on her.

"I was asking you if you were tired."

"No, I'm not why."

"Because if you hadn't noticed, Blaise has gone now."

"Oh... In that case, your room or mine?"

Princess Joy: This is getting annoying.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 17

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 27

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 78

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 59



Chapter 21: Isis

"Draco, get up you lazy sod!"

Princess Joy: It's Draco's turn to be annoying first thing in the morning.

Princess Victoria: He called his girlfriend a cow... nice.

Hermione digested this information, nodded and promptly fainted.

Princess Joy: I'm not even touching that one.

Princess Victoria: Isis has metallic eyes, she must be a robot.

"I see you got both brains and Blaise got neither." she said as Blaise scowled at his mother.

Princess Joy: I love you too Mommy!

"I wasn't going to let me daughter grow up and become one of Voldemort's whores." she said matter-of-factly as Hermione's eyes widened.

Princess Victoria: So, she's a Malfoy whore instead?

"At least Blaise has always known who his mum is. I mean, I learnt all of this four months ago."

Princess Victoria: I thought she learnt this 3 years ago, after Sirius died.

"At least Blaise has always known who his mum is. I mean, I learnt all of this four months ago. My father's dead, my mother's married to a Deatheater... No offence of course. It's just like the Fates decided to give me the weirdest family background ever. At least it hasn't affected my studies."

Princess Joy: Right, because you've been to class how many times this school year?


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 17

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 27

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 78

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 65


Chapter 22: Opulente

...he drawled sarcastically as the group of four walked down the quiet alleyway, snow swirling in the air.

Princess Joy: He who? For people who randomly begin this story at chapter 22, this could be confusing. We really have no idea who's talking unless we read the pervious chapter.


Princess Victoria: The honeymoon suite? Oh barf. She should really be expecting by now. I think they might be nymphos...

He had decided a few weeks ago, that no matter how many times he saw Hermione naked, it simply wouldn't be enough to slake his lust for her.

Princess Victoria: Right, because that's an easy decision to make.

Princess Joy: Hermione then goes on to insult her brother by referring to him as a goldfish and spawn... nice relationship they've got going. I can't wait to see what happens when they can actually act like siblings.


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 18

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 30

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 79

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 67



Chapter 23: Muggle London

Princess Victoria: This chapter made my eyes glaze over...

Princess Victoria: I would like to point out how she was buying a basket for Crookshanks, however, it is stated in Chapter 1 that he DIED.

"I always wanted to be Barbie, she was so perfect."

Princess Joy: But Hermione, you are Barbie!


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 18

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 30

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 79

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 69



Chapter 24: Back to Hogwarts

Princess Joy: So, she called Ron a Weasel, so OOC. The author should have made a different character altogether.

Ron sat down, nothing was going to go his way.

Princess Victoria: I think the author hates Ron.

He looked at her sleeping for a while before he dropped off to sleep himself, holding her close to protect her from everything, as he desperately wanted to do. .

Princess Joy: *Sniffle*


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 19

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 32

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 82

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 73


Chapter 25: A Ball

Princess Victoria: *more glaze*

Princess Joy: This chapter was one of the better chapters of the story, sadly.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 36

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 88

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 74



Chapter 26: Polyjuice Potion

Princess Victoria: Moron!Ron makes an appearence, great... This is starting to get old.

Princess Joy: Of course, the Polyjuice Potion must used, now that it's been mentioned in canon twice!


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 36

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 92

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 75



Chapter 27: Malfoy Manor

Princess Victoria: Her eyes change colour. Sue!

"Lucius howled in rage and pushed Draco up against the wall as Hermione shrieked in shock and tried to pull Lucius off Draco, pulling his long, blonde hair and making him yelp slightly. Draco looked his father in the face, smiled a true smile and brought his knee up to knee Lucius in the groin, Lucius falling backwards with the pain and landing on top of Hermione who struggled to get from underneath him."

Princess Victoria: This made me laugh super-hard. It's like a bitch fight, only between father and son. So manly this fight is.

Princess Victoria: So, is true love over? Hermione seems to be quick at rejecting Draco when it's clear he is getting the Mark to save her... He better be careful. She may have sex with the entire Slytherin male population including Snape and the Bloddy Baron by then.

Princess Joy: I like how Blaise flew off the handle at Dumbledore because Hermione was missing. I never knew he cared...

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 37

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 94

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 80



Chapter 28: The Mirrors

Princess Joy: Aw, a cozy get together over the magic mirrors.

"An attack at the castle?!" Ron asked nervously, going pale underneath his freckles and all the apparent colour going out of his hair, even that looking paler than normal."

Princess Victoria: Hair doesn't pale.

"I wish Sirius was here, he'd know wha- Oh sorry 'Mione, Blaise." said Harry, mumbling and kicking himself over his mistake. The effect was instantaneous, Blaise and Hermione's eyes saddened and they looked at each other, as though haunted. Draco put his arms around Hermione and hugged her briefly, dropping a kiss on the top of her forehead as she tried to control the tears that were threatening to fall from her amber eyes. Blaise looked upset but he didn't say anything, he'd been too well trained in hiding his emotions to show anything except for a brief sadness."

Princess Joy: You know what? Harry's allowed to feel sad too! Sirius was more of a father to Harry then either Blaise or Hermione.

"He [Sirius] told me 'I'm never going to miss the Final Battle Mya. I don't care if everyone thinks I'm dead... I'm not.'" she said, repeating his exact words. "Don't you think that's kinda weird, I mean it was a dream but what if it was something more?"

Draco looked at her and saw how serious she was being. "I... I don't know what to say Mya. If what you're saying comes true, th-that would be a miracle." he stammered finally...

Princess Victoria: I no longer have eyes because of all the *sporking*. I would like to see Sirius come back, but this is just cheesy.

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 37

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 94

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 80



Chapter 29: Planning

"I better go tell Ginny that I might be dying sometime as well..."

Princess Joy: Wow, that's cheerful news!


Princess Victoria: I see a Hermione, Mya,'Mione,'Mi/Snape romance blooming.

"Percy hadn't been in on the Order, not wanting to believe Dumbledore still so he couldn't say anything vital. Once they had their information, they killed him with Avada Kedavra, leaving him to be found two weeks later by his fiancée, Penelope Clearwater."

Princess Victoria: Ew.

Princess Joy: The Cupid spell. *snicker*

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 37

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 97

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 80


Chapter 30: Losses

"Hermione sat down on her bed and wondered what was going to happen to them all. Would Ron and Harry be okay? Would Draco live? Would Voldemort win or lose? And Blaise, would her twin brother survive this horror?

Princess Victoria: That's a lot of questions...

"Blaise smirked...in a mock-joking tone...hitting him playfully on the arm"

Princess Joy: All this was happening as Draco is off to a Death Eater meeting. That's really nice.

"So come on, what's the plan Blaise?" she asked, but before he could answer, she continued. "And don't tell me there isn't one, because we both know that Harry and Ron would never let me stay here with Draco Malfoy and dozens of Death eaters and Draco won't let the inevitable happen to me." she said.

Princess Victoria: I would leave you there, you ungrateful tart.

"What the fuck do they think they're playing at?!" Hermione cried out, swearing which was still quite uncommon for her. "Voldemort isn't someone who'll let them play their childish games, he's a bloody killer and he wants to kill Harry!"

Princess Joy: I think Harry knows that Voldemort is a "bloody killer". But, hey, you are the cleverest witch of your age, so nothing gets past you...

It's coming soon 'Mione but please, promise to keep yourself safe and for Merlin's sake, if you get taken by any of these bloody Death eaters, try and find me, not Draco. Draco would die to save you."

Princess Joy: Translation: Sis, I love you... heck, I'm even willing to sleep with you, but I don't love you enough to die for you. Now you have a nice day!


Blaise rolled his eyes. "A few Ministry people, no-one important, a couple of clerks and secretaries that have gone missing. Oh and look after Draco when he gets back."

Princess Victoria: Yeah, it's not like those people have families...

"You can count on it." Blaise told her as he chastely kissed her on the lips before ruffling her hair, making Hermione growl in annoyance. "Merlin, sometimes I really wish you weren't my sister." he said in a mock-serious tone.

Princess Joy: Ew, that's all I have to say. Ew.

Draco shook his head. "While I was here with you, they attacked a muggle's house. Damn it Mya, they killed your adopted parents." he said...

Princess Joy: Damn it! There goes that problem!

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 37

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 98

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 82


Chapter 31: A Blast from the Past

Princess Victoria: Who could be coming from the past, at such a timley junction in the story?

Harry smiled back, he had always suspected that Dumbledore was the one to give him that cloak...

Princess Joy: We knew way back at the end of PS/SS that Dumbledore had given Harry his Invisibility Cloak.

Princess Victoria: So, the boys won't listen to Dumbledore. It's not like he's wise or anything.

"No books 'Mione." Harry said. "I'm off to find Voldemort, I have the Marauder's Map and my Invisibility cloak so I'll be fine." he said.

Princess Victoria: Isn't the Map just for Hogwarts?

"Hermione looked at the map and gasped before looking up at Draco who also looked surprised. On the map, was a figure, whose name was written in the same loopy writing as everyone else's name, that figure being Sirius Black."

Princess Victoria: My eyeses they burnses.

Princess Joy *smacks face on keyboard*

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 22

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 37

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 101

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 82


Chapter 32: Explanations

"I know I am, but Bellatrix killed Crabbe, not me." he said.

Princess Joy: Err...

Princess Victoria: I read that as "Bellatrix has crabs, not me."

"Yeah, I used my mind powers to get into your dream and warn you. Although I really need to speak to Dumbledore about now." he muttered.

Princess Victoria: Mind…powers? Is that what’s it called now? How creative...

Sirius looked saddened. "There's a spell I learnt with James in the sixth year, it's called the Soul Forcer... It takes no incantation, just an incredibly strong mind. When applied properly, it can force the soul out of the body you're training on and make your soul go into it, the other soul going into your body, effectively switching. The body without the soul is an empty vessel and I know Dumbledore knew I could do this spell...

Princess Joy: That sounds like a very complicated math problem to me.

"I'm hoping he kept my body, I sure as hell don't want this one." he said quietly."

Princess Victoria: Why did I get a vision of Crabbe!Sirius going to Dumbledore, asking for his body and then Dumbledore whips it out of the freezer?

...stifling a sob and making it sound stifled.

Princess Joy: Um, what?

She shook her head. "Harry... I know you're not wanting to hear this but you know when you said that Voldemort tried to get into your head... That's what he used. It's dark magic... Very dark magic. I don't like the thought of someone using it... Especially not my father." she said.

Princess Victoria: Look honey, Crabbe is/was evil. Sirius is not. He did that to save his life. Let it go. Would you rather him be dead?

Princess Victoria: So, if Sirius’ body is magically preserved, does that mean he’ll never age?

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 20

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 38

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 102

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 86


Chapter 33: The Final Showdown

"NO!" she yelled, wrenching her hand from his grasp and taking off into the bathroom, quickly transfiguring her clothes to become a pair of jeans, a t-shirt saying 'Don't make me Avada Kedavra your ass!' and a black robe. She walked back out and saw Sirius standing in front of her, looking unhappy. "No! Sirius, you can NOT expect me to stay here and behave!" she said tearfully.

Princess Victoria: Oooo, it’s the start of the war, but, hey, let’s be witty!

"This is hell!" Hermione screeched fifteen minutes later to Sirius as she dodged yet another curse.

Princess Victoria: Well, it is a war, what did you think it was?

"Kill him..." he said in Parseltongue, although he was unable to understand the hisses, he could say simple commands in Parseltongue, enough to get by.

Princess Joy: So he knows Parseltongue, but he doesn't. Right...

...she didn't know who her real mother was.

Princess Joy: Didn't we clear that up a few chapters ago?

Princess Joy: I do believe Dumbledore is cheating in this duel.

Princess Joy: *sniffle* Whatever will happen to poor Draco?


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 21

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 44

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 104

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 88


Chapter 34: The Aftermath

Princess Joy: A touching and teary moment between brother and sister. It's so sweet it's making my teeth hurt.

"I don't want you here for when Snivell-Severus wakes up." he said, cringing as he said it.

Princess Victoria: Why? That was never explained…

"Calm down Hermione, you're acting out of character and it's scaring everyone...

Princess Joy: He hit the nail on the head with that one.

Princess Victoria: Stop calling Snape Snivillus, he never did it that often in the books.

"Sirius looked down at her, surprise registered in his dark eyes as he struggled to speak. "WHAT?!" he thundered out. "YOU ARE NOT MARRYING ANYONE, YOU'RE SEVENTEEN FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!" he yelled at her, forgetting about the current state of Draco.

Princess Victoria: You know, coming from the guy who ran away from home, and had a flying motorcycle and was an all-around badass, this is foreign.

Princess Joy: OMG, she went two weeks without sex! *gasp!*

"Look, INJURED here!" he said, rubbing his arm and glaring at his attacker.

Princess Joy: If you're injured, then why are you out of bed, dumbass? And why are you picking Hermione up? She can walk by herself you know.

Princess Joy: So, Draco wakes up from a two week coma filled with horrid memories from his past only to get out of bed right away and carry Hermione to the Head's common room area so they can have more sex. *spork*

Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 21

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 46

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 107

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 90


Chapter 35: Happily Ever After

Princess Joy: I really hate it when authors try to pull off an accent by spelling things the way they'd sound with the accent.

Hermione had already been upset because the Grangers, after much treatment, had finally conceived and they were having their own child...

Princess Joy: Didn't the Grangers die back in like chapter 28 or something like that?

Princess Victoria: Hey! Look! More sex!

Princess Joy: Since when do the parents go with their children to school?

Princess Victoria: Why didn't their child go on the Hogwarts Express with all the other children and Draco and Hermione just Floo? That would have been normal!

Princess Victoria: It seems Sirius has gone AWOL-again.


Total Number of Slutty Outfits: 24

Total Number of Times They Are Slytherin Proud: 52

Total Number of Times the Black Name is Uttered: 112

Total Number of Times the Author Tries to Sound Britsh, Using the Word Bloody: 91



*********************************

Princess Joy and Princess Victoria: This story could have been an excellent read, had the author not made two major mistakes.

The first one being the lack of continuity. She continiously added things to the story that served no purpose whatsoever to the plot (such as the Halloween Ball) or would often write about something happening (such as Crookshanks being dead or Hermione's adoptive parents being killed by Voldemort) and then writing as if it never happened later on.

The second one being how OOC Hermione was. She was nothing at all like the Hermione we read about in the Harry Potter books, except for the fact that this Hermione slightly enjoyed books (towards the end of the story more than anything). We both think the author would have been better off just making an OC character and naming her "whatever" Black, rather than remolding Hermione completely.

Aside from those two major problems, the story wasn't completely horrible, but it is hard to overlook those two problems and enjoy a story. Maybe next time the author should look into getting a beta before posting anything. We'd rather wait a month for an update that is being beta'd than have a half-assed job.