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The Fic That Started It All
Prince and Princess Diaries

This is the Fan Fiction that inspired Princess Joy and Princess Victoria to start this diary. This is the summary...

Hermione and Draco are the prince and princess of two different countries and they must get married in order to rule.
A note to readers: The author of this particular story has decided to remove it from the WWW. Sadly, you no longer have a story to compare our comments to. But you may still enjoy the comments.

Princess Joy: Well, quite promising as this is, there are some problems with this fic.

We rated it:

**Regrettably, this story has since been taken offline. However, our review has quite of a bit of the story quoted, so please continue reading and enjoy!**




Princess Victoria: The main problem with this story is that it's one big Mary-Sue fest. EVERYONE is a Mary-Sue. Except Ron and Ginny, who the author seems to hate...
Also, if Hermione's mom can not be Queen, then why can Hermione? It really doesn't make any sense. I also like how it was never explained why Draco didn't know he was a prince. This is where Princess Joy of Litchenstien and myself got our "names". We decided that if they can be arbritrary royality, so can we. Now, on to the chapters...

Chapter 1: I'm a What?

Princess Joy: Jumping into a birth scene as soon as the story started was a little odd for me. Usually there's a warning or something. At least she didn't go into graphic details.
Hermione decited on wearing a pair of blue jeans and a hot pink bellybutton top with little butterflies on it.

Princess Victoria: Now, I don't know about you, but Hermione doesn't seem like "bellybutton top" kind. How OC of the author. Does she like pink and butterflies? I think so!

Now talking about their summers...
“Mine was absolutly horrible, the Dursly’s made me clean the house for company. You see Uncle Vernon is trying to get a raise.” Said Harry rustling his hair in frustration.
“Mine was horrible too. Mom made me watch Ginny and do her bidding for her.” Said Ron.
“Why?” asked Hermione confused.
“Because as mom puts it, Ginny is my sister and I should love and respect her.”
“Oh.” Said Hermione still not understanding.
“My summer was great! My grandmother is very elegant and she taught me how to sew without using magic, she’s a witch also you know, and she taught me how to do my hair in this really elegant style. According to her I would need to know it sooner or later.” Said Hermione with a shrug.

Princess Victoria: Again, Hermione is out of character, how not caring and ignorant she sounds of her friends problems. And I like how her great summer revolves around "womanly" duties such as sewing and hair care. Again, highly out-of-chatracter.

Princess Joy: I really don't think Mrs. Weasley would make Ron do whatever Ginny wanted all summer, it's just not her style. And was there really any reason for Mrs. Weasley to request this of her son? I can't think of any.

“When the trolly came by, Harry bought each of them a chocolate frog and a box of Bernie Bots every flavor beans"

Princess Victoria: Woah, Harry's stingy this year.

When they had finished everyone decited to change into their robes. Using a clever spell that Hermione had learned they didn’t have to leave the compartment. Their robes just covered their clothes.

Princess Joy:Um, isn't that what ROBES do in the first place?

Princess Victoria: Then there are the letters that tell Draco and Hermonie they are royalty. I like *sarcasm* how the reassuring comment in Hermionie's is "That’s right Hermione, you are a princess." Whereas in Draco's it's "Yes Draco, you are part irish." It's as if in Draco's case he is staring at the letter not going "I'm a Prince!?" but "What?! I'm Irish?!"

Princess Joy: I like how Harry was ready to catch Hermione when she fainted. It sounded like one of those cheesy movies where you already know what's coming next so Harry turned to Hermione and waited a full thirty seconds before she actually fainted.*sarcasm*


Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 5
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 5


Chapter 2: On The Way

‘I can’t possibly be a princess. Look at me, I’m smart yes. I can rule a country, but I don’t look like a princess. Princess’s are beautiful and have boyfriends that become kings, all I have are Ron and Harry.’ Hermione thought to herself, falling to sleep.

Princess Joy: I can really see her love for her friends here.


Dear Hermione,
You will be coming to Latvia on the next train. The country has voted and they need another queen soon. Don’t worry about school, you have your own priavate teachers here. Remember on the next train to Latvia. Love lots, Grandma Victoria.

Princess Victoria:Well, it's great that she took care of that loophole!

Princess Victoria: This happened right after Draco read the letter telling him to go on the train.


“I have some news. I shall no longer be here with you all, I shall be on my way to become the king of Ireland. Goodbye.” Said Draco sternly, as he got up from the table and made his way to the door.

Princess Victoria: Woah, woah, back up here. Draco just says Goodbye and leaves. Isn't that kind of fast? Yup! Just like the rest of the plot!

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count:7
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 4



Chatper 3: Lessons and Suprises

Here's a mind-blower on the train:

‘I can’t believe that I’m actually leaving. I can’t believe what I’m about to say, but I think I miss Potter and that little gang.’ Draco thought to himself.

Princess Victoria: What? No! Draco would miss Crabbe and Goyle first, THEN, maybe add that he is going to miss TORMENTING Potter, et all.


When Hermione had arrived she was very tired, the train ride took three days since Latvia was on the border of Russia. (It really is I looked it up on a map.)

Princess Joy: Thanks for that Geography lesson.


Hermione carefully got into a purple velvet lined carrage with her grandmother, and they were off.
Princess Victoria: If you are going to turn them into Muggles, would't they get into a state automobile at least?

Princess Joy:Hermione's hair stylist's name is Juan, how Lativian.

Princess Joy: I'd like to point out that while Hermione's train ride took her three days and Draco's train ride only took a short while, they were both asking about their lessons at exactly the same time because they somehow just so happened to get off their trains at exactly the same time.


“Draco we can’t do you want to have a hairy chest, arms , and legs?” said Greggory pulling out his wand.
“Fine, as long as you promise that it won’t hurt.” Said Draco looking at the wand in his uncles hand.
“One vee I vill pull. Von, two, vee!” said the man and pulled a piece of paper off of Draco’s chest , with only a few pieces of hair on it.

“Hermione let’s get on with your waxing and then your treatment.” Said Elenor
“Waxing , no one said waxing. What are you going to wax anyway?” asked Hermione nervosly tying her hair up.
“We are going to wax every inch of your body, and it shall never grow again, after we put a spell on it.” Said Elenor locking the door.
Hermione started to feel nervous.
“Don’t worry, all you do is get into this bath of luke warm wax, when you get out we carefully pull the wax off and all the hair will be gone.” Said Elenor leading Hermione to the bath of wax.

Princess Joy: I think the author has a problem with body hair. Just something I picked up on. Bath of Wax? Wow... 'Mione must be a Sasquatch.


Hermione did as she was told and when she opened her eyes again she was amazed. Her eyes had dark purple eye liner and light purple eye shadow, her cheeks were covered in a very light layer of purple glittler, her lips had a kind of frosted lilac purple lipstick which she adored.
Her nails were painted too, they were a sparkle purple with silver glitter in it, her toes in a french manicure.

Princess Victoria: I know purple is a royal colour, but, seriously, did they have to over do it? The only people who wear that much of one colur in their makeup are 14-year-olds and guests on Jerry Springer.

“Oh thank you Jennifer, I look wonderful. I love what you did with the purple and white.” Said Hermione

Princess Joy: I have to ask...what white??

“Time for bed dear, tomorrow we shall go to Ireland to meet the prince. If he picks you, then you shall spend 2 weeks with him, get to know him and hopefully he’ll fall in love with you.” Said Victoria, kissing Hermione softly on the head.

Princess Victoria: And Hermione is cool with this arranged marriage? Is this the same Hermione that created S.P.E.W and had ethical standpoints on all cotroversial topics? No! This is Princess!Hermione who is NOTHING like the real character. She is complimented with Prince!Draco who is not a Death Eater's son who hates muggles and mudbloods! What a crazy, topsy-turvy world!!!

“Yes I do, I liked her for a while.” Said Draco, once again looking Hermione over.
“You liked me?” asked Hermione, blushing again.
“Yeah, I know that you liked me, potter told me.” Said Draco, smiling.

Princess Victoria: What? They HATE each other! And since when would Harry chit-chat about Hermione's crushes to Draco? Oh yeah! NEVER!

Princess Joy: And they close the chapter kissing. Again with the fast-moving plot...

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 18
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 2
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 19



Chapter 4: He Loves Me

“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I can’t do this, this is the same thing that happened with my mother, she started kissing this guy, who happens to be my father, and she went all the way with him and she ended up having me. And I’m not ready for that yet.” Said Hermione looking at Draco; he had some of her lipstick on his face.

Princess Victoria: Ok, chillax, he just kissed you.

Princess Joy: Since when does Draco listen to the "White Stripes", or CD's for that matter? Hello Muggle!Draco.

That night Hermione dreamed that she was walking through a big field of sunflowers with Draco, he was holding her hand and they were quite happy, Hermione also noticed that she was pregnant, with what seemed like their first kid. Draco was having a similar dream, only that he was carrying a baby and Hermione was picking flowers.

Princess Joy: I like how Hermione assumes it's their first baby.

The day of the ball Hermione and Draco were getting ready all day, the ball was at night so they had a long time to prepare.

Princess Joy: Yes, that was the soul purpose of the ball being in the evening.


“No, what, you thought that these were pads, please. I developed early. Actually I think they’re too big. Don’t they look like grapefruits?” said Hermione. Perking them up.
“What, huh? What was the question?” asked Draco snapping back.
“Pay attention. I asked do my breast look like grapefruits.” Said Hermione looking a bit frustrated.

Princess Joy: Um, didn't they just have their first civil conversation yesterday? And now she's asking his opinion about her boobs. Right.

“Hi Ginny, I have so much to tell you. And can you believe that I have on no bra.” Said Hermione walking away from Draco.

Princess Victoria: Woah, no bra. Big news.

Princess Victoria: Near the end of the chapter, they profess thier love for each other.

Princess Joy: I'd like to know where Neville, Fred and George are. Maybe she forgot she invited them.

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 25
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 5
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 4



Chapter 5: The Ball

Princess Joy: Why is it that by chapter five they're acting like a couple that have been together for years and years when they only just said they loved each other?

“You did a wonderful job. Thank you for not mentioning that I’m muggle-born.” Said Hermione.

Princess Joy: What does that have to do with anything really? You're already acting Muggle enough.

“It’s going to be in Latvia. Everyone at Hogwarts is invited. Tell Dumbledore for me will you.” Said Hermione, walking them to their car.

Princess Victoria: If they can do magic outside of school, why can't she just owl him herself?

Princess Joy: Why is that Hermione has showered in this castle before but on that particular morning she can't seem to find the bathroom?

After everyone was dressed and packed they set off for Draco’s mountain cabin. Hermione was having trouble because she was wearing a mini pleated skirt.
Princess Joy: How appropriate.

“Oh wow, you have the most softest skin.” Said Draco, tracing the outline of her body.
“They made me wax my entire body.” Said Hermione.
Princess Victoria: How romantic.

Princess Victoria: The whole sex-scene was awkward. The language that was used by both the characters and the author shows that in actual fact no one was ready for anything.

Princess Joy: It's also interesting how they walk in the door and less than five minutes later they have to have sex.

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 31
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 6
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 3


Chapter 6: Week 1
Princess Victoria: Uh-oh! What do you think is going to happen?! They just made love last night!
Hermione keeps getting sick??? psst. I think she's preggers. *taps nose*

“I don’t thin . . .” started Hermione. Before she could finish she had puked up her breakfast, into the lake.

Princess Joy: Yummy. There's some more awkard love-making moments afterwards.

“I love you.” Said Hermione, taking Draco’s face and kissing him like in one of those old fashion movies, when the girl hasn’t seen the guy in a long time. (Long story.)

Princess Victoria: Do enlighten us on this "long story".

“You’ve seen me bare naked two times. I let you touch me, and you had no idea how much I loved you.” Said Hermione, resting her head on his arm for a second.

Princess Joy:Um. Lots of people see each other naked and don't love each other...

On believing she's pregnant:

“No. I was going to take one [a test] right now. I brought three [tests] with me. Cross your fingers.” Said Hermione, kissing him softly.
Princess Victoria: If it wasn't planned, then why would you have a pregnancy test with you? Let alone three?!

“After about an hour Hermione read the test.
Princess Victoria: Sweety, they only take a few mintues.

“I can’t believe that it worked. I had no idea that I would get you pregnant so soon.” Said Draco, as they laid there in bed, still in the after glow.
Princess Joy: Neither did we.

“A/N: HI DUDES! I’VE BEEN SO BUSY LATELY, BUT I’LL ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO WRITE STORIES FOR YOU! I’M SORRY IF YOU THINK THAT THEY ARE MAKING OUT TOO MUCH, I’M TRYING TO CUT DOWN ON THAT SINCE THEY’RE ALREADY GOING TO BE HAVING A KID.
Princess Joy: 'Cause you know, once you get pregnant your sex life dries up totally.

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 37
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 7
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 3



Chapter 7: The Wedding

Princess Joy: So, Princess Hermione arrives in a car. Are they muggles now? Some jewlery was made for her from China and France...not Lativa. You know, that country that she's Princess of.

Hermione took a shower and came back out, wearing a little white bra and this skirt thing to make her dress fluffy.
Princess Joy: How descriptive. And interesting that Harry and Ron are still in the room when she gets out of her shower.

Draco sat there feeling guilty about something, but he just couldn’t place his finger on it.
Princess Victoria: I wonder what it is? We never find out!

“I’m done Hermione. I’ve done your hair just Ariel has her hair in the little mermaid 2: return to the sea. Your crown will go perfectly with this. And I’ve already put on you necklace. Now time for make-up.” Ginny said, taking a small container of moon powder.
Princess Joy: Nice product placement.

“Wow. I do look good! I can’t wait to see Hermione.” Draco said, as he walked over to a very large picture of Hermione doing ballet.
Princess Joy: Where did that painting come from?

Princess Joy: What, no honeymoon?

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 48
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 7
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 6



Chapter 8: A Boy

The plane ride was somewhat long and Hermione was feeling sick again, but nothing happened.

Princess Joy: Plane?!?! I thought they were wizards??


“I don’t really have any right now, but yesterday I had to make up some new rules, so I just put down that there should be more wizarding schools.” Said Hermione, watching Draco and Harry bring the drinks over.
Princess Joy: What about S.P.E.W? She really seems like she likes her role as Princess...not.

Princess Victoria: After reading Ginny's freakout, I believe that the author doesn't like Ginny. Oh look! She's pregnant too!

“Yeah. And as I noticed, Ginny was getting a little wide in the middle.” Hermione said, after she had calmed down.

Princess Joy: Wow, way to support your friend, Hermione!

“Well I’m proud for you Harry. And now Ginny can be the center of attention all she wants. The first teen mother at Hogwarts.” Hermione said, walking away.

Princess Victoria: Woah, bitch alert. Hermione is 17 right? Well, in theory then, if she was still attending Hogwarts she would be the 1st teen mother. There some more awkard love-making. This time between Ron and Luna.

“They have been doing that every night this week.” Said Harry, trying to block out the sound. (Dumbledore said it was ok if they were in the same bed because they were having a baby.)

Princess Joy: The man has finally lost his mind! Yes, I see the logic behind it all now!


Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 52
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 10
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 7



Chapter 9: Somewhat of a baby shower

“Your mother was really sweet. Oh and I have to go to the hospital in a few minutes to see why I’m gaining so much weight. I mean, it’s only one baby.” Said Hermione, rubbing her stomach.
Princess Victoria: That's some good foreshadowing there. Not!

“Yeah Harry I did. I just came back from the hospital wing. Madame Pomphry ran some tests and we’re going to have a girl!” said Ginny, looking Harry straight in the eye.

Princess Joy: A coincidence that Ginny just got back from the hospital wing and that she's getting the baby girl everyone wanted...I THINK NOT!

Princess Victoria: What's with Ron being an ass? Does the author hate him too?

“Hermione had to put on a maternity dress of yellow since that was sort of a boy color and a girl color. Her hair was in a nice French braid with little curls at the sides...“Thanks, you look nice too.” Complimented Hermione. Referring to Ginny’s somewhat short pink dress.

Princess Victoria: I don't know about you, but expectant women don't normally wear the colour of the gender of the child they are expecting.

Princess Joy: Draco drives? Wow. How mugglish.

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 59
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 11
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 16



Chapter 10: Luna's Baby Trouble
“Anything Luna. When the party is all over which will be in 1 hour, Ginny and I’ll talk with you.” Hermione said, sitting down."
Princess Victoria: Normally, baby showers are longer then an hour.

“Don’t worry about it. She’ll get over it as soon as the baby is born, trust me. The same thing happened to Susan with Hermione. She be back to normal soon enough.” Said Alan.

Princess Joy: How would he know, he wasn't around.

“I know what you mean sort of. My other boyfriend before Harry, we almost made a baby but I let loose before he did and then I left before he had the chance.” Said Ginny, turning red at her words."
Princess Victoria:
A. That doesn't make any sense.
B. "make a baby"? You mean have sex. Just say it. Or at least "sleep together". "Make a baby" sounds very childish.

“They’re doing quite fine. They should be born in a two months since I’m having twins they’re going to be born a month early.” Hermione said, rubbing her tummy.

Princess Joy: Huh? Is this common knowledge or is she just assuming. Most doctors can't predict if a baby is going to be early and not all twins are born early. Some are actually born late.


Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count:63
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 12
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 9



Chapter 11: Royal Duties and Baby Power

Princess Joy: The whole visiting the village thing is horrible and is one huge Mary-Sue fest. Although everyone is poor and starving, they love their King and Queen. Right.

“The lady nodded her head smiling at Hermione. And when Hermione flattened her dress the lady noticed that she was pregnant.
Princess Victoria: If Hermione is pregnant, and very pregnant, then wouldn't they have noticed that she was with child the second she waddled out of the carriage?

Princess Joy: Why did Hermione's dad run away after he spent the night with her mom? And another awkward sex-scene...

Princess Joy: They would use quills and parchment, not a pencil and paper.

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count:71
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 12
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 13



Chapter 12: Coming Home
“Come on Hermione, Patricia is almost here. I can see her head, she has brown hair with a bit of blond on the top.” Draco said, kissing Hermione’s sweaty forehead.

Princess Joy: Not everyone has the privlige of being born with highlights.

“And sweet heart here’s Patricia. She’s a lot smaller than Sean, is that ok?” Draco asked, holding her. “Yeah that’s fine. Kiss me Draco.” Hermione stated, looking up at Draco.
Princess Victoria: Ok, so what was Draco suppose to do if Hermione went "No! It's not ok! Fatten her up!"

Here's something out of the blue....
“Thank you all for coming. Where’s Nacrissa?” Hermione said, looking around. “Yeah where is mom?” Draco asked, going over to the door.
“She had a heart attack last night. It seems that the joy of the twins surprised her so, that she died.” Said Harry, glumly.
Princess Joy: What???? Ok. Firstly, way to break the news to someone "she died." Secondly, how and why did Harry know before Draco?

“Yeah, I’m putting my toothbrush away. And good news, I’m skinny again.” Said Hermione, zipping up her bag
Princess Victoria: Obviously, you've never been around someone who had a baby. You never get your figure comepletly back right away. EVER.

Princess Joy: It was cute though that they are trying to get Ron and Luna back together.

Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu and Self-insertions count: 81
Irritating, and pointless Author Notes in story: 12
Spelling Errors and Obvious Mistakes: 17



Princess Joy: So, seeing how the story is a work in progress, this is where it ends. I know we pick over the bad stuff, but we believe that if the author extended the plot, added more wizardry, reduced the OOCness of the characters as well as the Mary-Sue/Gary Stuness of them also, this would be a cute fic. So! Keep writing! And make sure you edit everything. If you don't know how to spell a character's name, just pick up a book and find out! You are obviously a big enough fan to want to write about them! Good Luck!