Current mood:

creative

Oh no! My brain has been taken hostage!
Link: Hostage Girl


Summary:Draco must show his father that Draco IS worthy of his life. Draco wants to show his anger. He must kiddnap. He must KILL!

Princess Joy: hpstories.com always surprises me with what they allow to be posted. Case in point: Hostage Girl. Now, when I read this title I already knew three things about the story. 1)There was a female lead character, probably an OC, because she is simply called "girl" in the title with no refrence to canon. 2)The kidnapper is more likely than not a Malfoy, Black, Snape or Lestrange because the good guys doon't kidnap people. 3)She will fall in love with her capture, probably quite quickly.

We give this a:



Chapter 1: Hostage Girl


Tod Petterson. A girl of 17. An orphan girl. A normal girl. A lonely girl who hates nothing. Nothing, that is, exept BOYS!

Princess Victoria: *starts singing "Girl" by O-Town*
Princess Kathleen: How the hell do you name your daughter Tod with a clear concience? I mean, what name shortens legitimately to Tod? Also, what is this BOYS you speak of? Boys and Girls club?


Tod was the best in town with medical work. When a fellow orphan had a broken leg and the ambunclence was not there yet, Tod knew what to do.

Princess Victoria: OMG Doogie Howser!
Princess Kathleen: Sue-author, sweetheart. It's not "medical work", it's called being a doctor. Thanks for coming out and not playing the game right though!

She was beautiful. And yet she was lonely.

Princess Victoria: Yes, because if you were beautiful then you shouldn't be lonely.

Tod looked across the road to see a dark fugure. It was limping. It was holding its arm in pain.
Then the fugure fell to the ground.
Tod went to investigate.

Princess Joy: Shouldn't you be calling an ambulance or doing whatever magic medical stuff it is you do?
Princess Kathleen: Because that's the logical thing to do in sketchy situations like this... Oh wait! There is no logic in Sueland! Silly me!


Anyone who was medical like Tod knew that was blood.

Princess Victoria: Or anyone who has any sort of logic....
Princess Kathleen: I forgot to ask but how does an orphan get all this medical training? Can she do a tracheotomy?

At least, I think she has seen worse. Uh, oh. Oops.

Princess Joy: What? Did you screw up the sentence, forget to put another Tod in there and forget where the backspace button was?
Princess Kathleen: Nice work! *claps slowly*

You could get to the basement from out side (which was deserted too) so Tod was careful not to hurt the boy going the old wooden stairs.

Princess Joy: How exactly did Tod get "the boy" down the stairs?


"Yep. Sure. Whatever."

Princess Victoria: Best. Sentence. Ever.


Princess Joy: I suddenly hate everyone named Todd. *eye twitch*


Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 34
Total Number of Times the Name Tod Shows Up: 20
Total Number of Words in the Story: 480
Total Number of Stupid Comments: 13


Chapter 2: your safe

"Inst tod a boys name?"
Tod started to wonder if she should of just left this moron to be killed by that person that was trying to find him.
"Well, i just saved your life. this isnit much of a thank you-"

Princess Joy: You know, she never did answer his question.
Princess Victoria: You don't save people's lives to get thank yous. You do it so they don't die.

"I dont know if hes still here, so SHHHHH! Your safe now!"

Princess Victoria: You know this whole scene reminds me of the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.
Princess Kathleen: This would be soooo much better if it had pirates!

"...O MY GOD!..."

Princess Joy: Draco wouldn't be saying anything about God. He's a wizard, so it would be about Merlin, stupid.


Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 51
Total Number of Times the Name Tod Shows Up: 25
Total Number of Words in the Story: 637
Total Number of Stupid Comments: 21


Chapter 3:You ruined my death

"Why would someone's father unlove his son?"

Princess Victoria: Unlove? Don't you mean hate?
Princess Kathleen: Worst use of a made-up verb. Ever.

The boy called Draco bowed his head.

Princess Joy: I'm pretty sure we established that back in chapter 2.


"YOU MUGGLE! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! MAYBE I WANTED TO BE LEFT OUT THERE TO ROT AND DIE! MAYBE I WANTED TO DIE! MAYBE I WANTED MY LIFE TO END! IM TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANYONE TO CARE ABOUT ME! IM TIRED OF LIVING!!!! I WNAT IT TO END!!!"

Princess Victoria: Uh... Draco kinda sounds like Emperor Cuzco in this part. Plus, Draco shouldn't be too worried, I mean, he can still die. And didn't he not want to die in the last chapter?
Princess Kathleen: All we are missing is llama face. Though ferret might just do the trick. And since when is Draco such a whiny emo baby? I want to smack him!!


Draco started to cry a little.

Princess Joy: Draco would never cry.


He pulled out a thin piece of wood and pointed it at Tod.

Princess Joy: Where exactly did he pull it out from?
Princess Victoria: It grew off his face from his magic tears.
Princess Kathleen: Worst sexual euphemism ever!



Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 68
Total Number of Times the Name Tod Shows Up: 30
Total Number of Words in the Story: 917
Total Number of Stupid Comments: 27



Chapter 4: Dreams and nightmares

Princess Joy: This chapter is proof as to why the majority of fanfic sites have higher standards now to submitted fics. 98 words.

Draco had brought them to a sort of empty wearhouse. He looked around. He smirked. He seemed happy with his hideout choice.

Princess Victoria: Weren't they already behind an abandoned building? You know, in Chapter 1?
Princess Kathleen: *snores* No, Luscious... Don't spank me with your pimpcane... *Princess Joy kicks her, and she wakes up* What...? Did I miss anything?
Princess Joy: Ha! No!


How could somebody just fall asleep right after he kidnaped someone???

Princess Victoria: Oh Tod, wait until you have a sex life, you'll be amazed what men fall asleep after.
Princess Kathleen: It's ironic, because reading this fic makes me want to fall asleep.

Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 75
Total Number of Times the Name Tod Shows Up: 33
Total Number of Words in the Story: 1015
Total Number of Stupid Comments: 29


Chapter 5: Dreams and Nightmares

Princess Joy: 71 words, and the exact same thing as chapter 4!!*sporks eyes out*

Tod was too afraid to sleep, but fear eventually put her into dreams and nightmares.

Princess Victoria: Fear would keep you awake. The gentle snores of Draco will put you asleep.
Princess Kathleen: Aren't dreams and nightmares seperate things? I mean, really....?


Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 82
Total Number of Times the Name Tod Shows Up: 36
Total Number of Words in the Story: 1086
Total Number of Stupid Comments: 32


Princess Joy: This was a very promising story, but we found the writing to be too jarring. We suggest finding a beta and don't rush to finish the story. This was our image of Tod: