Current mood:

WTF?

Forbidden Love-ew!
Link: Malfoy's Slave

Summary:Draco is home before his 3rd year and Lucius buys a slave Mudblood girl. Draco is forbid to love her. But he can't not love her. Can he sneek a kiss without Lucius knowing?


Princess Kathleen: So, there is some obessession among Sue-authors with Draco and Mudbloods. Understandable as he does seem to have an obsession with them throughout the books (D/HR shippers, I'm looking at you). However, this Sue-author expects us to believe that there is a wizard slave trade in Mudbloods? Bitch, please... Though it brings to mind a favourite song of mine..*starts dancing* Dirty Baaaaaaaaaabe! You see these shackles? Baby, I'm your slaaaaaaaaaaave. I'll let you whip me if I misbeaaaaaave. It's just that no one makes me feel this waaaaaaaaaay



We give this a:






Chapter 1: Malfoy's Slave


Draco fell to the ground. He rubbed his cheek where he was hit. Lucius took advantage of Draco being knocked down and kicked him in the chest.

Princess Joy: I don't care how messed Lucius' and Draco's relationship is, I realy don't think Lucius actually beats Draco.
Princess Kathleen: It isn't "was hit". It is where he HAD BEEN hit. Points though for opening the story with "Idiot Boy"

"...Go fetch me a beer or you’ll spend the rest of the night down in the Dungeons!”

Princess Victoria: Yes!! Hillybilly Lucius!! Lucius is so refined, I highly doubt he would act like this.
Princess Kathleen: Having Lucius want beer is rather like having Frasier tell Niles to help himself to the Velveeta... Wrong on so many levels of OOC.

When Lucius had left, Draco began to sob softly. ‘What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do anything right?’

Draco later cried himself to sleep

Princess Victoria: 1) If you got him beer, you would have done something right. 2) You are a pussy Draco. A big ol' pussy.
Princess Kathleen: Why do Sue-authors persist with this Emo!Draco? Promise me he doesn't turn into Pete Wentz in the next few paragraphs... *shudders*


Draco was in his room lying on his bed on his stomach. He sighed deeply.
But then he heard yells from down stairs.
“NO! PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Idiot boy!” Lucius yelled as he hit Draco across the face.

Princess Joy: What the hell just happened? Did I miss something?
Princess Kathleen: WTF?!? What is with these awkward transitions... If I didn't enjoy teh mocking, I'd have walked away from this one by this point...



Princess Joy: So, this story confused me at first. First we see Draco being mistreated by Lucius, being told to fetch a beer and all that. Then we see Draco being locked in the dungeons as Lucius tells him he has to go buy a slave now. Then, we see Draco being mistreated by Lucius again, the exact same as the beginning of the story. We are then back down in the dungeons hearing Lucius tell Draco has to buy a slave, again. Then we continue on with the first chapter.
Princess Victoria: BACKSPACE IS YOUR FRIEND!!

No one loved him. His father abused him all of the time.

Princess Victoria: But what about your mom Draco?
Princess Kathleen: Apparently Narcissa died or disappeared... Or something... Maybe she was just drunk... I really don't know...

Lucius would kill young Draco.

Princess Victoria: ...But would let Old Draco live.
Princess Kathleen: How many Draco's are in this family? Are we on the third one? And how much younger is he than the old one?

“No!” he said. “The girl is off limits! She is only for slave work.”

Princess Joy: Jerk.
Princess Victoria: For some reason, "She is only for slave work." amuses me. I think I might use that line on people. "Don't eat the cookie! It's only for slave work!"
Princess Kathleen: By which he means hot animalistic sex.


“Please don’t do this to her father! She doesn’t deserve it!”

Princess Victoria: How do you know? She could be a criminal...
Princess Kathleen: Yes Emo!Draco. You are right... She doesn't deserve it. You need to be beaten with the pimp cane until the emoness leaves you.


‘I have to save her!’ Draco thought. ‘….. Somehow.’

Princess Joy: Oooo, foreshadowing cliffhanger!
Princess Kathleen: Why does this remind me of a really bad 2 part Xena episode?




Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 6
Total Number of Words in the Stroy: 911 (527 when not repeated)




Chapter 2: Anamariea Malfoy


When he was sure his father was asleep drunk on the couch

Princess Joy: I can't picture Lucius being drunk at all.
Princess Victoria: Or asleep on a couch.
Princess Kathleen: Yeah, Lucius really doesn't seem to be the type to pass out drunk... Maybe he'd get stoned, but certainly not drunk.

“You need not call your master. I don’t want that.”

Princess Victoria: Yeah, Draco, I didn't think you wanted Lucius called either.
Princess Kathleen: No, little slave girl. he wants YOU!!

“I would like you to be called ‘Anamariea Malfoy’ from marring me.

Princess Joy: Now, did the author really mean marring, or did they perhaps mean marrying? Because, according to dictionary.com marring means to inflict damage, especially disfiguring damage and to impair the soundness, perfection, or integrity of. While marrying means to join as spouses by exchanging vows and to take as a spouse. You be the judge. Personally, I think marring adds an interesting spin to the story.
Princess Victoria: If I was her I would be totally creeped out. Marriage? What?
Princess Kathleen: I agree with Princess Joy. I'd rather this be marring than marrying. Because frankly, proposing to someone within moments of properly meeting them is fairly creeptastic. I've heard of whirlwind courtships, but this is ridiculous.


Total Number of Spelling/Grammar Mistakes: 14
Total Number of Words in the Stroy: 1135 (751 when not repeated)


Princess Kathleen: In sum, the premise is not a bad one in and of itself, though it is rather out of place when placed within strict canon (how could it operate "safely" without the ministry knowing of it? Serious plot hole there) Despite reports to the existence of such slavery rings in the modern world, it is difficult to picture this sort of thing happening in the Wizarding World. To improve the story, we suggest reducing the amount of OC-ness of Draco (emo is really not good in large doses, and he needs to stop randomly proposing to people), and increasing the amount of detail about the slave and how she got there in the first place. Oh! and let's not forget returning this random Hillbilly!Lucius from whence he came.